Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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