Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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