Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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