I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
