Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
