remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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