I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we made out on top of his cat.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
