It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
