I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
