Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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