who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize
