So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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