Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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