I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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