wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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