his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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