I just made out with a guy for $7.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Duck Duck Cougar?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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