words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need to calm my uterus...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
