god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize