I haven't been this sober since birth.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize