That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
