3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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