i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
