Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My hand turned me down
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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