I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I faked an abortion last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
