Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
