i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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