Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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