In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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