Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
