I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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