I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
