You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can I color on your dick again?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
