Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
