my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
