You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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