He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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