Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
