This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
