one might say we're banned from that church
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Life is so much better after having sex.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize