I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
