my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
