he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
