i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
