The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
