just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
