So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
