i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
