I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
