My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize