i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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