A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
