im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
