Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
