So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
