i don't like sucking hair
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
