Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
