eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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