Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
