the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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