apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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