i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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