Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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