Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
