Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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