D3 body, D1 cock
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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