So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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