similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
